All right yall, so its been roughly two and a half weeks since I decided that i was going to need a break from writing and to get my life together. Turns out I cant get my life together in one day. Smh go figure, but i definitely want to talk to you guys about whats going on on a little more detail.
As some of you know I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression for a while now and i have been trying to live my life better to make it enjoyable to me. To keep myself happy and love myself. I honestly have no clue as to why ive never grasped the concept of self love fully, but it has escaped me for the longest. With all that being said i have decided that being in the armed forces is no longer a career i wish to pursue for multiple reasons. The biggest being im not good at it. My job entails me to step out if my comfort zone to master something that i cant seem to comprehend. While i dont mind stepping out of my comfort zone if i can begin to understand whatever it is. I have noticed that this job is so foreign to me that i do more harm than good in it.
The problem comes in, though, is that im almost thirty, never married with no kids, no college degree, and with me leaving the military id be starting over again, and that just makes me panic a little. I honestly feel like by now i should be working towards something bigger. I have to find a job i like as well as i am good at, but what is that exactly, im not sure
Now dont get me wrong, i enjoy writing to an extent, but i dont honestly see it as my career choice. Its more of something that is a hobby, but thats not to say i dont put my all into writing when i do write.
Now luckily for me, ill be going on vacation to Hawaii for a week at the end of this month. Traveling is definitely something i thoroughly enjoy. So naturally, i considered beimg a flight attendant, but would that be it? Would that be the career choice that my life was waiting for? Somehow i doubt it. So i figured it out (at least for now).
I can go back to college get a degree on zoology like i had always planned when i was younger and become an animal behaviorist. Id like to focus on the big cats because thats what ive always loved most. With that career i could also get a chance to travel acoss the world so it would be the best of both worlds, at least i hope so.
Another thing that is stressing me out is money. As i am winding down my time in the military i want to travel as much as i can while its cheaper and i have the vacation days to do so. My biggest ones right now are spain, puerto rico, and brazil.
Sadly, i need to save money for when i get out because if i dont have a job, my bills will still need to be paid. Now obviously this sounds like an easy choice, just save the money! But for me im hearing two voices. One is lpractical the other is full of risks.
On top of all that, is when i get out the military where would i live? So many factors of everything focus on each other and it just makes me feel like im trying to unravel a rubberband ball. Ofcourse these are just some of the minor setbacks im having mentally right now that are causing me to block my mind to write. Once again i hope you can understand and just be patient with me.
Slowly. Im getting more and more comfortable with the idea of getting back into everything with Kaneji but right now im just takimg it step by step.